Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
