He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
