and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
