I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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