Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
