I'm so fucking centered right now
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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