hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
