Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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