You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
