There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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