I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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