Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
