There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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