It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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