So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
