Umm I'm too high to move.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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