I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
