Got a toothbrush?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
