If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize