apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My dick has a subreddit
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
