I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
