Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
