What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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