:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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