is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
