I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
