Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do herpes really smell.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
