So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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