i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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