I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
