Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
