I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
