i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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