We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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