They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
