I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Damn victory sex feels great
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
