I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
