My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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