he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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