honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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