i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
