Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
