is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
