I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
