I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize