we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
