I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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