I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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