id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
