I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
