I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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