Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
did i just pee glitter
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
