lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
