"it" just moved
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
