YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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