if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
