can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
sarcasm needs its own font
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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