i was born a porn star she said
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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