What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
