So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
