what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
