The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
