Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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