i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
