So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
