I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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