I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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