I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
