Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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