May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
