I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
