so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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