please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I understand Curling. That high.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
