i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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