I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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