Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
