I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
