Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
