We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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