i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
