so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
