I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
