About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
