you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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