Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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