i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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