So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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