i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
