***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
