They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
