genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
