two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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