At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You took a bar mat shot.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
